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#QuemPensa é Spiralist: “Marketeering to the Poor”

#QuemPensa é Spiralist: “Marketeering to the Poor”

Studies show humans contribute far more when tugged at their heartstrings

Studies show humans contribute far more when tugged at their heartstrings


          Hey, you!
          Yeah, you.

 

Tired of relying upon the kindness of strangers?

Feeling your costumer appeal inexplicably constricted?

Failing to capitalize even on heaven-preying opportunists

And selling ephemeral compassion to all those other voyeurs?

 

Well then,
“Penniless Marketing 101” might just hold the answers you seek.

 

Our flexible and personally customizable course

Will unveil the secrets to blossom your enterprise forth

From an invisible breadcrumb seeking nullity

To a full-blown competitively thriving profit machine.

 

Within a 45-hour span

(easily adaptable to your availability)

Our professional, experienced and highly skilled staff

Will guide you through a myriad of eye-opening strategies

Such as:

– Presentation (attire, mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.)
– Sob story manufacturing
– Creative heartbreaking slogans
– Puppies and other eye-candy props
– And much, much more!

 

Join within the next 24 hours

And you’ll be eligible to obtain a generous scholarship

Plus, we’ll throw in an additional course on income management

And we’ll offer an additional mentorship for your business’ first 3 months

 

Payment can be done in feasible installments

Perfectly appropriate for your current financial status

No interest rates applicable until next September

No entry fee upon presentation of our promotional coupons

 

Studies show humans contribute far more

When tugged at their heartstrings

So come join us at “Penniless Marketing 101” today

And reshape yourself through low-cost entrepreneurship

 

Go out there and make an impression, kiddo!

 

[Disclaimer: Bollockollege and its subsidiaries and courses
Are uncertified by regulating governmental entities
And thus do not claim to hold representativity
Amidst accredited educational institutions;
Additionally, the aforementioned scholarship prospect
Is provided in tandem with Bunkum Trust
And thus Bollockollege is not to be held responsible
If such a prospect fails to come to fruition.]
Counting Out Time – Darya Krutsyuk