Studies show humans contribute far more when tugged at their heartstrings
Tired of relying upon the kindness of strangers?
Feeling your costumer appeal inexplicably constricted?
Failing to capitalize even on heaven-preying opportunists
And selling ephemeral compassion to all those other voyeurs?
“Penniless Marketing 101” might just hold the answers you seek.
Our flexible and personally customizable course
Will unveil the secrets to blossom your enterprise forth
From an invisible breadcrumb seeking nullity
To a full-blown competitively thriving profit machine.
Within a 45-hour span
(easily adaptable to your availability)
Our professional, experienced and highly skilled staff
Will guide you through a myriad of eye-opening strategies
– Presentation (attire, mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.)
– Sob story manufacturing
– Creative heartbreaking slogans
– Puppies and other eye-candy props
– And much, much more!
Join within the next 24 hours
And you’ll be eligible to obtain a generous scholarship
Plus, we’ll throw in an additional course on income management
And we’ll offer an additional mentorship for your business’ first 3 months
Payment can be done in feasible installments
Perfectly appropriate for your current financial status
No interest rates applicable until next September
No entry fee upon presentation of our promotional coupons
Studies show humans contribute far more
When tugged at their heartstrings
So come join us at “Penniless Marketing 101” today
And reshape yourself through low-cost entrepreneurship
Go out there and make an impression, kiddo!
[Disclaimer: Bollockollege and its subsidiaries and courses
Are uncertified by regulating governmental entities
And thus do not claim to hold representativity
Amidst accredited educational institutions;
Additionally, the aforementioned scholarship prospect
Is provided in tandem with Bunkum Trust
And thus Bollockollege is not to be held responsible
If such a prospect fails to come to fruition.]